In order to properly kick off this 5-part series on living a life you love, it is important to define what exactly is meant when using the phrase. Living a life you love does not mean living a perfect life. In fact, it means living an imperfect life and being content in your continued growth and development. Living a life you love also means truly loving oneself on a level so deep that others are taught how to reciprocate simply from observation.
It is important to note that this definition is not the end all, be all. Feel free to create a definition of what it means to live a life you love. I can guarantee, regardless of the definition, all parts of the series will remain relevant to your journey.
Now let’s jump right in- The Importance of Stepping Away
In order to start fresh at anything in life, there is a certain amount of separation that must occur. Sometimes we have the right intention and mindset when it comes to getting our lives in order, only to be stifled by the beliefs and negativity of those we are surrounded by. Luckily, there is a solution to this.
Prior to starting this journey of Living a Life You Love, it is important to consider what has been holding you back thus far. If you are reading this, I am sure that it is not the first time you’ve decided to make a life change. We have all been motivated to change, be different, upgrade, or whatever term fits best; but for some reason we kept falling short of the vision. This is where we have to challenge ourselves to take a step away.
In order to truly see a problem for what it is, we have to step back and look at it from the outside. I challenge you to do this mentally as you read through this blog post. Picture in your mind everyone that you surround yourself with-everyone that you allow into your circle of energy. This includes family, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, boyfriends, girlfriends, exes, and whoever else you can think of. Picture all of these people in your mind. If it is easier for you, perhaps even write their names on a sheet of paper. Go down the line, and with each person ask yourself these 3 questions:
- If I told [insert name] my dreams/goals would they support me?
*Note: support does not always equate to monetary gifts.
- Is [insert name] emotionally draining?
* A sure-fire way of spotting an emotionally draining person is if every time you speak to them, there is something wrong. They very seldom have good news and it appears as if they can always find something to complain about. It is hard to share good news with this type of person because you low-key feel guilty and are afraid to appear as though you are bragging.
- Is [insert name] deceitful or malicious?
* A deceitful and malicious person has absolutely nothing to offer a relationship. They may seem like good people despite their malicious ways-but that is only because they haven’t turned on you…yet.
If the person in your circle cannot pass this 3 question test, they are someone you have to be prepared to separate yourself from. If you want a glimpse into your future, look at the 5 people you spend the most time with. This will tell you a lot. If you are not sure why I agree with this, send me a message and I will go into further detail.
Another type of person to look out for is the one who is not actively working on their own dreams and goals. These people tend to fail at least 2 out of the 3 “people to look out for “questions.
Living a life you love means being in a place where you are completely free to be yourself, flaws and all. It means striving toward a goal with no reservations. It means refusing to be in situations where you will not be supported or appreciated. Living a life you love is a fertile garden prepared to grow your wildest dreams. It is a world where the only requirement for success is inward growth and self-love. It means truly loving yourself- unconditionally.
We cannot reach this level if we have surrounded ourselves with those whom do not want the same for us or themselves.
THE BIG QUESTION:
But Ruby, how do I step away from people who I have known my whole life? What if they are family?
No one said this would be easy. However, it will be worth it.
It is not uncommon for the person that fails the 3 question test to be a member of the family or a close friend. As a result, it is not always easy to step away. The main thing to keep in mind is that you cannot change people. People have to want to change. Also know that in stepping away, you are doing nothing wrong. Remember, self-care is not selfish. If you need to, go read the blog about making sure your cup is full prior to filling someone else’s.
Stepping away from people you care about does not mean that you love them less, you just happen to be loving yourself even more. Every situation is different. Stepping away may mean picking up their phone calls less, or separating yourself when they start to become negative. It could also mean cutting all ties- depending on the severity of the relationship. Every situation is different and it is impossible to provide a single answer that will be right for everyone.
If you are in a situation and you are not sure how to step away, feel free to go to the contact page and talk specifics. I would love to help you through your situation.
Stepping away has to be seen as a cleansing, or a decluttering. In order to continue to the next part of the series, you have to be operating on a clean slate. You have to remove negative people from your circle in order to truly begin working on yourself.
For those of you that want to take it a step further, declutter your home and step away from things you are not using, or no longer need. This can be hard to do, because we so easily become attached to material items regardless of how often we use them.
This week I challenge you to examine your relationships and who you surround yourself with. Discover who you have allowed to stifle your growth. Then, take a step back. After taking the step back, figure out a plan of action to keep that person at a distance. Some people can be kept at a distance, others have to be completely thrown away. Use your discretion.
Keep in mind, the point of this 5-part series is to lead you along a journey and give you the tools to start living a life you love. If you made it to the end of this lengthy blog then post a video on IG and use #heyrubylee to tell me about how you started this journey and what or who you chose to step away from- this can be material or people.
In order to start this journey, it is important to figure out what has been stopping your progress thus far. Upon discovery, take a step back and remove yourself from things that are no longer serving you and your purpose. THIS IS THE FOUNDATION. By ignoring the first step, your foundation will be shaky and you will eventually find yourself taking steps in the wrong direction. This is a great way to prepare to go into the New Year. Don’t wait until Jan 1 to start making a change. Start stepping away from things now, so that come Jan 1 you can hit the ground running.
Feel free to contact me for questions, concerns, comments, and/or clarification.
I’m looking forward to hearing from you all and seeing you IG.